BRETT KIMBERLIN IS THE WORST PERSON EVAR

I wasn’t originally going to post this, but the latest elements in the story leave me no choice. Okay, I have a choice, but it’s too funny not to share. Besides, TBogg was wondering why the Internet is growing less stupid on Friday. Now please forgive me, I actually wrote most of this post a while ago, but decided not to put it up because hey, how newsworthy is it when stupid people do stupid shit on the Internet? So all the stuff about THIS Friday’s blogging silence was written today, most of the rest much earlier. Got it? Didn’t think so. Don’t worry, intelligence will only hurt you where we’re going.

Yes, I make heavy use of http://anonym.to/ and rel=”nofollow.” I consider it irresponsible to handle toxic levels of stupid without safety equipment, even though it will only delay the inevitable poo-flinging.

So some few sane people on the Internet are asking “who is Brett Kimberlin, why has the conservative blogosphere taken a collective shit about him, and why should I care?” You know, I’m sort of vague on that last part, but I’ll try to catch you up below. The short form is that apparently two Fridays ago was “the Flying Monkeys dogpile the Speedway Bomber” day (yes, that does sound like a porno or a band – or perhaps a pornographic band). It’s only gotten worse since then.

Now it took me a bit to figure out the direction this crazy train was coming from, and if you like, you can try and fully retrace (<-- WARNING, this is the longest blog post EVER - the author broke it up into chunks starting here) my steps.

So apparently there was this guy named Brett Kimberlin who got caught blowing things up, and later caught being a colossal dick Supposedly he’s a litigious jerk, too. Apparently he somehow is/was (not sure, his name isn’t on the JTMP “About Us” page anymore) connected to Velvet Revolution and the Justice Through Music project, but people have been looking at him funny for a long time, and deservedly so. Even crazy annoying people look at this dick like he’s crazy (look in the comments and watch the accusations and counter-accusations fly!). Time Magazine called him “The Wizard of Odd.” I don’t know why I’d never heard of him before, but hey, it sounds like he deserves a little winged monkey love, to say the least. He has his name attache. His name is EVERYWHERE doing all sorts of flashy things, but I can’t find anything good he’s actually accomplished. Maybe he has, but I haven’t found it yet. I mean who puts the fact that they conducted a Wikipedia search (as the last item, no less) in a legal affidavit? I mean this guy is really a continental-class dick.

So he runs into another dick (who is more of the garden-variety sort, has lots of friends among the 101st Keyboard Kommandos because of a stint over at Patterico’s and is a lawyer), and like two subcritical masses of plutonium banging together, it results in a thermonuclear dumb-out. I mean HOLY FUCK what a mess (yes, that’s the link to the World’s Longest Blog Post above). But now because of a series of grants to the Justice Through Music Foundation that Brett is (or was, not sure) a director of, the current nutty rallying cry is that the Speedway Bomber got grants from Barbara Streisand and the Tides Foundation!!!!

All of this culminated in Brett dropping the dox (the cardinal Internet sin) of the lawyer mentioned above, and now the Conservative Blogosphere has decided to focus its collective Id on the person who has to be the red-headed stepchild of the U.S. Left to begin with. So if you want to know more, this Friday the 101st Keyboarders will be getting out their kerning measuring tools, searching for granite counter-tops, firing up Adobe Illustrator, and putting together a jamboree flying-monkey-feces attack.

OKAY. So all that is just background.

I’M SERIOUS. Oh my fucking god this has been the complementary thermonuclear dumb-out to the great “conspiracy” by liberals to shut down Dana Loesch’s husband on Twitter (did you know that the mouth-breathers who are stalking Charles Johnson (of LGF) are now coming up with names and strategies for having fights on Twitter? THESE PEOPLE HAVE TOO MUCH FUCKING TIME ON THEIR HANDS).

Now all of the above has been dredged around for the past two weeks or so, BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!

So on the site ExposeBrietbart.com (supposedly affiliated with Brett) not only are they telling a completely different story about the legal shenanigans (I CBA to follow the trial, probably because Montgomery County is very close to me and I’m leery of attracting the attention of stupid at such close range), but they decided to post the location and such of the “National Blogger’s Club”, causing the spokesperson for the National Blogger’s Club to say (I shit you not):

World War Three.

Yes, really, posting a picture of the house and corporate officers that you use for your “club” is functionally equivalent to Armageddon.

They’re all over this, and will CONTINUE to be all over this like it was a granite countertop with variable font spacing, and with paranoia to spare. So let’s recap here. This is a fight not only over ideology (read: what “tribe” you belong to), but everyone trying to be the last person to “hit back” by dropping dox on the other. Seriously, that’s the core of it. The legal maneuvering, the insults, the backstabbing, the whoopee cushions and empty bags of Cheetos are all a testament to this determination to throw the last rock.

There is absolutely nothing more to this unredeemable pile of bullshit. Now I’m going to wash my hands, cry for my lost brain cells, and forget I ever wrote this post. As this continues to unfold, this will be me observing the “battlefield:”

Artist's conception of me when the poo starts flying

In my uninformed opinion, it will be like watching a yelling match between the Black Bloc and the Gathering of Eagles; I don’t care who wins; I’m just here for the schadenfreude.